The Marianas Trench

The New year has begun and my writing has taken some sort of strange turn…

I blame the persistence of synchronicity…Not to mention my over-indulgence in literature over the previous 12 months that was full of puzzles, holes, enigmas and the like.

Writing feels like it did a decade ago before the madness and strange paranoia of 9/11 and all the subsequent actions that came from that event, real or otherwise.

As human consciousness becomes more and more uncertain, my writing becomes more and more uncertain. Fragmentation and illusion become bigger and bigger themes. Confusion in the face of fragmentation and illusion still plays a major role, even though I feel more at peace with the craziness of the world everyday. Or at least I tell myself that before my dreams give way to nightmares.

The future of literature is just as uncertain as the world we inhabit, if for no other reason literature has taken on a new face. One need only read the works of Roberto Bolano, David Mitchell,and Mark Danielewski to see that. The experiment and zeal of writers like Joyce and Borges have taken on new dimensions in the new millennium, which is refreshing as it is strange and beautiful at the same time.

The coming decade, which has already felt different, has given way to more and more thoughts that seem to transcent this realm; either that or I daydream too much. Being grounded in reality has no flavour to me, but like everyone else,I must tolerate the mundane and banal. I must learn to resist the temptation to escape my own mind.

More later…

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

23

There has been a lot of talk over the years of my trilogy being written. Some are probably thinking to themselves: ‘Will Ryan Madej ever finish the Marianas Trench, let alone another two novels?” The answer is: yes. The problem lies in time to write, edit, and compose everything in my head, which has taken over a decade already.Despite setbacks, numerous rewites(which continue, by the way), and 200 plus pages of the second part of this trilogy, I have managed to keep my wits about me. Rest assured when all the writing is said and done, I may never write again…who knows? But not likely…Orwell said something about writing novels: it’s like being afflicted with some sort of terrible disease that one must be cured of. Once I’m cured of this disease, there will certainly be more afflications to fight. My writing, I find, is becoming more cryptic…more pared down, less analytical. In other words, I’m finding my voice again…More later.

P.S. Something is closing in fast…very fast.

 The process is going smoothly, if for no other reason my brain has decided that there is no turning back now. I’ve made a great lunge at the heart of writing with my new project, the Maelstrom, hoping to twist the knife further and draw some blood. Of course, this could also turn into of the biggest literary disasters of the early 21st Century, but at this point I’m not paying much attention to that. As this year has worn on, and my appetite for Big Books grew, I finally felt confident that I could write something of a significant size and breadth. By the end of this writing process, I will have written something at least 4-5 times as long as the Marianas Trench. But length is not the obsession here: structure is. It’s difficult at this time to say what effect reading Pynchon’s “Against the Day”, Neal Stephenson’s “Cryptonomicon”, and Roberto Bolano’s “2666″ have had on this current writing, but in essence I believe I’m really only expanding on some of the key ideas from my previous book that I hope to have available for mass consumption soon, whether it be through my website, self-publishing, or crazy publisher who likes weird little books.

In saying all this, the project is still at least a couple years from being complete…Even though as I write this I’m on the cusp of being half done the first draft. By the time I’m finished, the book, like everything else in this world, will be something different entirely. The transformative aspect of writing is what has me excited about this project, and what it will eventually turn into.  Strangeness is afoot….out there and in here. More later…

 

13 possible signposts for the eventual readers of my novel ‘The Maelstrom’

-concentric circles

-modern experimental literature eg. Borges, Nabokov, Calvino, etc

-numbers

-synchroncities

-dreams

-sex magic

-falsehoods/doubles.

-cityscapes?

-interviews with dead authors

-????

-multiple perspectives

-musical interludes?

-old science.

“Weather is a great bluffer. I guess the same is true of our human society — things can look dark, then a break shows in the clouds, and all is changed.” Unknown.

 Lately I’ve been reminded of the line from ‘In Bloom’ that states: Weather changes moods. Or maybe I’m just a little more facinated with weather than usual. The ebb and flow of the seasons along with the daily changes of our environment brings about different kinds of mindful reflections, or in some cases, introspective nightmares. I’ve also been looking at the sky a lot more than usual. Clouds, stars, passing planes,  and wondering about the depths of space that we know nothing about. Perhaps I’ve become more aware of ‘universal weather’. Those subtle changes that we create and absorb from our environment play a part in how everything else is effected. I’m reminded of a line from the Emerald Tablet that says: Your feelings are the feelings of the whole Universe. So it’s not a stretch of the imagination to think that within our own lives that everything we do translates into happenings elsewhere in the world and universe at large. Perhaps our actions here effect another version of ourselves in another dimension. I know, I know…You’re thinking, ‘what’s this guy been smoking’? Yet science continues to find clues that may point in that direction. Have you ever really asked yourself what you are really composed of? What is your true face? etc, etc…More later.

I see a hive of bees and believe in their one mind.

Would it be fair to assume that thought, being a series of electrical impulses, can be transfered in such a way that would influence the outside world?

The path of synchronicity it would seem follows this path, at least from my own layperson perspective. Wolfgang Pauli, the Nobel Prize winning physicist, a friend  of Carl Jung, postulated that synchroncity worked on a quantum level. What is seemingly random actually connects two events together in a meaningful way on a subatomic level.

If we give into the idea that we humans are a biological energy field that can project energy… Wouldn’t that mean that in some way we control the quantum field through our thought processes? How does one interpret intuition? Intuition is more than just a ‘gut feeling’ but also an intellectual ‘feeling’ as well. How is it that this inner knowing can be a great assest to our decsion making without any real empirical evidence guiding it???

‘Synchronicities are patterns that repeat in time. The word ’synchronicity’ references the gears or wheels of time, though the actual concept of synchronicity cannot be scientifically proven. One can only record synchronicities as they occur and watch the patterns of behavior that create them. The concept of synchronicity is currently linked more to metaphysics, yet physics (quantum physics) and metaphysics are merging, thus showing their interconnection and how we manifest synchronicities in our lives.’  Sourced from Crystallinks.

The idea of synchroncity, in my opinion, is something that bonds us together as a human race and which carries with it the implications of ‘positive’ and ‘negative’ thoughts being projected through the world. As cliche as it may sound, perhaps all of us can benefit from the power of positive thinking. More later…

http://www.crystalinks.com/synchronicity.html

Over the last couple months I have been more reflective than usual. For those that know me well, this should come as no surprise. The reasoning behind this reflection comes from the ever growing need to know myself better; or at the very least, more objectively. During the past couple years I have become more attentive to the ’shadow’ side of my personality, which again should come as now surprise to anyone who has read the Marianas Trench. When I began writing that story a little over a decade ago, I had no idea it would possess me for as long as it has. Perhaps no writer knows how long a story will stay with them, but the subtle transformations within my mind and spirit that have come from the writing of that story have been invaluable. Only now am I beginning to see a glimpse of what others see. The true essence of who I really am…

About two years ago I came across the idea of Saturn’s Return. It’s an astrological event that happens to everyone approximately every 27-30 years. This event corresponds to great changes in a person’s life, and if the person is unprepared for these changes, then chaos ensues until said person is able to accept them. It seems that a lot of this chaos has to do with letting go and moving on. Forgetting those situations and people that brought you down, or letting go of behaviours that have been detrimental to you or others. Cue my Saturn’s Return…

The process of self-improvement has not always been quite a priority of mine, at least in my early 20’s. A lot of arrogance and inflated self-worth dominated my personality at that time, and perhaps still does to some degree. It’s my hope that I’ve not got on people’s nerves too much .  Through the past year, I was the subject of a lot of ego destroying that saw me come into contact with a side of myself that I didn’t want to face. Lot’s of people started to tell me what my problem was: myself. Being too secretive. Not speaking out enough…etc, etc. At one point I felt pretty worthless, even though I had no real reason to be. Despite knowing that I was essentially a good person with lot’s of friends, I continued to look inward, searching for an answer…I didn’t even realize that I was listening to a part of the answer for a long time…

Wear the grudge like a crown of negativity.
Calculate what we will or will not tolerate.
Desperate to control all and everything.
Unable to forgive your scarlet lettermen.

Clutch it like a cornerstone. Otherwise it all comes down.
Justify denials and grip ‘em to the lonesome end.
Clutch it like a cornerstone. Otherwise it all comes down.
Terrified of being wrong. Ultimatum prison cell.

Saturn ascends, choose one or ten. Hang on or be humbled again.

Clutch it like a cornerstone. Otherwise it all comes down.
Justify denials and grip ‘em to the lonesome end.
Saturn ascends, comes round again.
Saturn ascends, the one, the ten. Ignorant to the damage done.

Wear the grudge like a crown of negativity.
Calculate what we will or will not tolerate.
Desperate to control all and everything.
Unable to forgive your scarlet lettermen.

Wear the grudge like a crown. Desperate to control.
Unable to forgive. And we’re sinking deeper.

Defining, confining, controlling, and we’re sinking deeper.

Saturn comes back around to show you everything
Let’s you choose what you will not see and then
Drags you down like a stone or lifts you up again
Spits you out like a child, light and innocent.

Saturn comes back around. Lifts you up like a child or
Drags you down like a stone
To consume you till you choose to let this go.

Give away the stone.
Let the oceans take and transmutate this cold and fated anchor.
Give away the stone.
Let the waters kiss and transmutate these leaden grudges into gold.
Let go.

The lyrics are from the Tool’s song ‘The Grudge’, from their 2000 album ‘Lateralus’…In my opinion, one of the most hopeful, meaningful albums that I’ve come across. The more one listens, more is revealed. I can say with certainty that album helped me though some rough patches, and continues to do so.

For the last 3 years I have taken up meditation again, as well as qigong, which has helped me feel better in every sense: mental, physical, and spiritual…I’ve come to realize that the Universe conspires to help you if you allow it to. So as I enter this new 30 year cycle, I’m more optimistic than I have ever been…hoping to improve my outlook with each passing day, however crazy that may sound. I thank all those who have been there with me on this journey, and continue to be there…Much love, and thank you. I look forward to the rest…More later. 

This month the Marianas Trench get tossed out into the world, again. Several copies of my novel are going to be sent to various publishers across Canada. My hope is that one of them will take pity on me and publish my tiny novel. In the spirit of the New Year, I would like to thank everyone who has helped me and inspired me over the past decade.

The list is too long to mention here, but you know who you are: friends, readers, acquaintances, and so forth. My wish is that when my novel is published by some miracle, we can all get togther and celebrate, whenever that may be…All the best in the New Year. More later…

For those interested in a novel of strange proportions, literal and figurative, look no further than Mark Danielewski’s “House of Leaves”. I have begun reading the novel again, but I’m finding that I’m approaching it this time from the angle of the serious digger; in other words, a man searching for answers on the pages. Much has been said about the structure and influences that make up the book, but on a first reading, or even a second or third reading, may not be so obvious. The reason I have taken up the novel again is to satisfy my curiosity as to what the novel is really about. Is it a subtle poke at academics? A Borgesian labyrinth? Or a Nabokovian ‘Pale Fire’ for the 21st century. Danielewski does not leave us with many answers, only more riddles. I would recommend this book to anyone who is in serious need for mystery and intrigue, literary allusion, and strange experiments. Read on here: http://www.houseofleaves.com/forum/   More later….